If it helps you imagine how you’ll survive the worst-case scenario, thinking through your disappointment “steadies the anxiety of anticipation in the moment,” she explains. For the things that have gone wrong, do what you can to learn from the experience. Talking to a counselor or therapist, like the licensed professionals at BetterHelp, is a good way to learn how to overcome bouts of serious disappointment. One of my main coping mechanisms during these times of uncertainty is thinking through the potential disappointment. Say you are at point A and you want to move to point B. And there are likely more disappointments on the way. “Life is not just about reaching the goals; it’s about living it to the fullest.” In every situation you are in, choose the action which lets you live in alignment with your inner desire the most, within your abilities, within your situational context. How do you prepare yourself for what might be a large, perhaps even life-changing, disappointment? Your goal to work at Company A is merely an external projection of your inner desire to grow and challenge yourself to the fullest. In part 1 on 3 Reasons Why Disappointment Is Good, I shared that one of the reasons why disappointment is good is because it represents an opportunity for growth. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” — Friedrich Nietzsche. Researchers call this “affective forecasting,” and the reality is that negative events usually prove to be less intense emotionally and the bad feelings are more transient that we expect. I can recall many times in my life where I’ve been waiting for big news and was worried that things wouldn’t go my way. They were already planning how to celebrate,” Kinias says, before the electoral college votes were counted. By attaching yourself to this thought, this illusion, it’s causing you anguish. Our text suggests several reasons for their discouragement, most of which revolve about the problem of a bad memory. Is it better to think it through ahead of time? For example, you like person A. Do whatever makes you feel better. Talking with my friends, on the other hand, helps me learn other perspectives which I may not be aware of. Help a friend plan for a party or a meeting at work. Continue to have goals. Step 1: Recognition and awareness of the feelings of disappointment In the last part, I will share my story on how I overcame a period of disappointment in my life. “There will be a sting if you don’t get it, and the pain is often proportional to what you invested,” says Markman. Generally, a good “gut check” can help you determine if a boundary has been crossed. We can tap into that present moment through the act of meditation. You injured your leg. … I’ve never known the best way to make it through these waiting periods. Perhaps you studied for the wrong chapters. 1. Being trapped in such a state prevents you from thinking logically. However, you are passed over for another candidate whom they deem a better fit for the role. Here’s their advice. If you don’t get the outcome you want, all of the effort you put in this time is setting yourself up for your next time at bat. If anything, it’s natural for things to go wrong. However, that is just an illusion that you are playing in your head. I. Avoid bragging or saying anything overly negative. It is normally preceded by denial. This is not sustainable because your goals are just external outcomes, and these are impermanent. What you originally thought was sufficient to achieve your goal isn’t. But we always focus on the few things that go wrong, rather than the things that go well. As the opening quote says, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” With this lesson, you walk away from this experience a better person. Of course, this is rubbish. This is another important part of dealing with disappointment. Distract Yourself. Two ways to do that and to focus your attention outward is to: Help someone out. Do you deal with disappointments with any of these methods? This is part 3 of my 4-part series on how to deal with disappointment. You can't keep thinking that the... 3. What should you do then? I know I’m not alone. Sometimes focusing on the worst-case scenario helps. “Sometimes the worry helps because it forces you to think about contingencies and how to be ready,” says Markman. Because they are not taught to properly deal with disappointment in school or in life, they deal with it in a destructive way instead. They are on their own journey, and although disappointment can feel personal, it’s often not. “Thinking positive thoughts is fine. Let them drive you forward. Job interviews. The Causes of Disappointment. Given the convoluted nature of desire, there are no experiences that … Here, your perception that studying hard = automatically getting an ‘A’ is false. Here’s the thing: Sometimes worrying does help. If you’re worried about losing your job because of the economic downturn, for example, you might get your finances in order or reach out to former colleagues who might know of job leads. If person A does not want to be with you for whatever reasons, he/she is not the person who can meet your desire for a loving relationship. Let’s look first at the causes for their disappointment—and in so doing we will discover something about our own personal struggles. He/she is not the person who can give you what you desire. If reading your favorite book uplifts you, then pick up the book and start reading it. Haggai now speaks to the willing but discouraged workers. Check out my posts on breaking out of negativity: Dealing with disappointment is definitely not an easy task. That’s why Markman says some of the best tactics to steel yourself while you wait involve distracting yourself. How To Deal With Disappointment: The Complete Guide Step 1: Put yourself in a better mental state. “In those moments when the outcome is utterly out of your control, the worry is only going to create heat,” Markman says. Sign up for my newsletter to get my personal development tips and updates sent directly to your inbox: Unsubscribe whenever you want. Your experience has allowed you to gain new lessons, whether about yourself, the situation, or the world. If you're feeling a great deal of pain after a disappointment, it's important to practice some self care. where you can fulfill your desire just as well, if not better. The first step, as always, is awareness: pause right now and turn inward, to see if you are feeling frustrated or disappointed with yourself for anything. Distract yourself by listening to music, by watching a movie, by talking with someone, or through reading a book. If calming your mind doesn’t seem to be work, then immediately distract yourself from your disappointment. You reach a new state of awareness, consciousness, and growth which you have never had before. You want to be with him/her, but person A does not reciprocate your feelings. all of the mistakes I’ve made along the way, buffer resiliency in advance of disappointment. 2020 has been a year of disappointments — often serious and grave ones — for so many people, from job losses to school closures to illness and death. Their wisdom and empathy can help us deal with disappointment in our own lives, as these 12 inspirational quotes can attest: Disappointment is the nurse of wisdom.” – Sir Bayle Roche. Or help him with moving boxes and other stuff into his new home. Numb yourself with other activities. Sometimes it doesn’t. Another way to look at it is to be without courage (dis-couraged). There are the leaders who are anticipating the possibility of more layoffs, the small business owners who aren’t sure if they can survive another mandated closure, and the parents who aren’t sure how they will perform their jobs if schools can’t remain open. Because the ability to learn, move on, and try again using a different approach is the key to success. It can spur you to become better prepared — mitigating your anxiety in the long run. You become a stronger individual. Disappointment and how to deal with it It is inevitable, at some point in everybody’s life you will hear “no” or let yourself down. As these thoughts arise, intentionally (and gently) let go of them, and simply allow yourself be without needing to do or get anything. It can make a huge difference to how you process situations that leave you feeling put out or let down. You may feel sorry for yourself and sulk. Person A is just one of the many people in this world you can fall in love with. There are many other ways to fulfill this desire. Anger, resentment, and sadness are common emotions to experience in the wake of disappointment. Relationships you’re not being good at? And even, yes, elections. In part 1, I shared 3 reasons why disappointment is good. They are preventing you from constructively acting on your situation and living your life the way you should. So you feel disappointed. … The Ritual – How to Deal With Disappointment Effectively Disappointment can be dealt with via having rituals to follow. If taking a stroll along your neighborhood makes you feel relax, then get out of your house and enjoy the breeze outside. Not even entertaining the possibility of the negative outcome can be emotionally devastating. When you connect yourself with this desire, you will realize that point B is just one of the many destinations you can go. Kinias suggests adopting Maya Angelou’s words from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings: “Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.” In Kinias’ experience, successful leaders have the capacity to anticipate and plan for setbacks, but this tactic works best “when balanced with positivity and an ability to enjoy and experience the present moment, through optimism, mindfulness, and social support.” Being both planful and hopeful can improve wellbeing and make us more resilient if and when the worst-case scenario comes true. Work hard on the other hand, helps me learn other perspectives which I may not aware... Posts on breaking out of negativity: dealing with disappointment is to be with him/her, but person does... List of expectations life-changing, disappointment your underlying desire, not away from your,., focus on doing the best you can apply until 2 years we focus! That and to focus your attention outward is to focus your attention is! 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